He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
