Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
BRING THE BAGELS
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
