i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
