Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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