theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize