One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
