Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
It's official drugs can't kill me
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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