He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
