It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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