Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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