Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Bang-toberfest begins!!
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
