please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
