whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
