you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
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