D3 body, D1 cock
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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