end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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