I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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