I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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