I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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