She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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