Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
We left the knife in your bed.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
