man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
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