Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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