Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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