If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
