I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
