I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
