somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Boobs speak an international language.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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