carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Princesses don't give blow jobs
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
