party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
be right there i have to get my cape
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
