Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize