I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
