At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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