After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
