Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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