omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
