She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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