Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
