You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
