3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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