P.S. I can't hear my feet
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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