Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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