Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
