I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
