Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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