Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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