she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
