Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Randomize
