you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
