i think my mom watched the whole time
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
