my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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