i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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