In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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