We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
