I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
