I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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