Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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