You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
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I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
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HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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