I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
