3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
