Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
