it hurts more in the daytime
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
