I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
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