so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize